I am in big trouble

So this is going to be a long story- end result is I am super big trouble. Just not sure how big just yet. I just got a really big spanking- a lot with the belt ( ouchie), the red stick, a rubber paddle thing, and the razor strop- then more with the belt. I have been instructed that I need to write everything about why – full confession he said.

So, I have been dealing with medical issues for awhile now. Before in my past I would do stupid stuff and I lacked self control. So for example if I wanted an ibuprofen, I took 8. If I wanted a drink, I drink until drunk. If I took diet pills , I ended up in an ambulance for too many. Yes, self control is an issue.

Always something in my head that rationalizes to myself that if 2 is good- 8 is quicker and better. So, needless to say; this is one of the reasons I really need this lifestyle and know I need someone else to be in charge of my bad decisions. I am a pretty smart person when it comes to others, but when it comes to myself ; I just don’t make good decisions. I am wired to where I have to fear a consequence to make the right choice.

I don’t know why that has to be my motivation- why can’t it be that my liver will fail or whatever damage- because when I am in the midst of making the bad choice if it’s not going to happen today – I simply don’t care. I am in this lifestyle for a reason, and one of the big reasons is self preservation.

Well, for the last year I have been taking diet pills without him knowing. I have been thinking and even blogging that I don’t need a high level of control. This is one of the reasons why; I have taken diet pills for a year and not taken 10 or 20 a day. I take only 2 or 4 or on a day I have had a bad siezure and feel really awful I will take 6. Some days I take zero. I have had these for a year and managed to self control them.

Well, somehow he found out I have been taking them ( I think I might have dropped one and he found it or something) and he spanked me tonight until I confessed and gave them to him. He made me confess any bad things I have done which is the pills, drink while taking my seizure medication, Cut my hair without permission, have extra caffeine, and I think that’s it.

He is really upset because he thinks that my health problems could be not getting better because of these diet pills. I don’t think that’s the case. I was weak in my the past, but look: I took these for a year and did pretty good with them. I think I am responsible enough to have more control over myself. He is of course saying I should have more control and he failed me by me not being scared enough of the consequences. I don’t think that is the case- I just didn’t think I would get caught.

Somehow I slipped up and got caught. I am kinda scared now. After that spanking- I am scared now. I don’t know what punishments are coming my way, but I DO NOT want another one like tonight. Maybe I should start kissing up.


Spanked and caught up – I hope

So we have been having such a great time lately and things have been relaxed like I like it. He has let up and life has been good, then today he says that he hasn’t liked “where I am at” and he owes me minutes that have built up. Grrrrrrr. So I had to bare it at his work office and get “caught up”. He took out a piece of wood that he used as a make shift paddle and spanked me. So, hopefully things will go back to the way they have been now that he maybe has that out of his system. I have been really happy and really like the way it has been, I am praying he doesn’t start going back to the up and down of wanting full control. That is just an unhappy and irritating place for us both.

Wish me luck!!!

Trouble- Part II

Well I managed to last all the way until tonight for part 2. I didn’t obey his orders after a great night out,when we got home I had forgot something he told me not to do yesterday. When we got home I did it. So I got spanked bare with the razor strop, belt, and rubber paddle. Ouchie. It was a timed spanking for 1 1/2 minute. Doesn’t sound like long, but when I squirmed, he started over again. So that is really hard to sit super still, and 1 1/2 minute feels like forever when it’s going on. Especially when it starts over again a few times.

Well, I am going to bed now. Goodnight.


Well I am in trouble today- I have already been spanked twice today. He says that I am doing as I please, and not asking permission for things I should be.

He also said this will be a long weekend for me.

Wish me luck, you might be hearing from me a lot this weekend. Lol

A long minute

Well..tonight ended my no spanking streak. When he asks how I am feeling he wants a specific answer, and I answer with good or ok or bad. He wants a rating scale. So today he asked and I said ok ( habit) so he assigned 30 seconds. Then it happened again later in the day. So I had a total of a minute. I mean wow, if that is the worst I do then I see why I have had such a long run with no spankings. I am soooooo good 🙂

Well when it came time to pay up, he kept starting over for me moving or talking. I asked why he was being strict today, he said because he doesn’t want me to think we aren’t doing this. I said that spankings aren’t what makes me think we are or aren’t doing this. He said that if I don’t get spankings I don’t think we are doing this. NOT TRUE! So anyways, we obviously don’t agree. Still! He then said that this brings us closer and helps us both. Which I do agree with. Our relationship is amazing and I love it. We are close and great together- we just don’t see eye to eye on this

So the minute turned really long and my butt is red and now we are cuddled up and ready for bed.

Long week

Life has been pretty normal this week. Good news is I haven’t gotten in any trouble. Yay!

Bad news is that I started a new job 2 weeks ago and I am already quitting on Monday. I took a different one that I am super excited about but will be disappointing people that invested in me on the other one. I just don’t like it and don’t enjoy it. So Monday will be tough.

Any suggestions on how to gracefully quit, lol?

Because I have to

I really don’t have much to say, I am posting because I have to. I got in trouble and spanked and was told to blog about it.

We had a long conversation afterwards.

I wonder how many more times you will hear from me today. Lol


We are at a strange place right now. We are both very stubborn and want what we want. We love each other like crazy and I am not sure how this will end. I do know this, I get to spend an entire day with him today. We are both off of work, and I am excited about that.

I am going to enjoy the day and just get out of my head. I have a house that needs cleaning and about 100 other things to get done and I get to do it with him today. So, I am going to just enjoy my day today and realize that this stalemate is just that. We both know where we stand and can figure it later.


Big week. I quit my job that I worked at for 12 years and started a new one working remotely. So I am working out of his office.

I am not feeling good about this move this week. First week on the job and I feel a big lack of confidence. I hope I didn’t make a mistake.

Then I am just sad. And now I have decided that I think I should take back control of myself some. I think that I can handle it. I discussed this with him last night and he spanked me for it. Which I don’t think is fair because I still feel that way and spanking me isn’t going to change it. It’s not the answer. We did also talk and he said that we are always so much closer when he has good control on me.

But we are so up and down and one minute he is strict the next minute things are ok the weren’t ok two days ago. He says no the rules are always the same, I am the one that just follows them differently. Well here is what I think: I love him like crazy. I love that he owns and protects me. We can have this relationship but just let me have more control of me. This will solve the up and down so I know what to expect and can feel safe in some kind of structure to count on. He can not stress about what I am doing because it is a tamer version and things will be good. Also, I am strong enough now that I feel confident in making good decisions about me.

I offered this solution and got spanked. I was going to be spanked for a really long time until luckily he got horny enough where fun playtime stopped the spanking.

So today I need to figure out a better way to present this I guess. Because I want what I want and I right now with this attitude I am just going to get in trouble a lot and it’s not going to change how I feel.

Sunday’s Sunday’s

So today started off rocky. I got into an argument with him. We never argue because that is just not something we really do. But he has had a medical problem and been taking medicine. He tried to stop the medication today and I think the medical condition is still a problem and he might have a problem with the medication because he was really cranky and today was a really tough day for reasons I don’t want to share.

Anyways, we got into an argument and it sucked. Now we are fine and made up but a new chapter starts tomorrow- we share an office.

Let’s see how this goes.