I am in so much trouble for this medicine thing. I am waiting to find out just how much. He is really upset, and I feel bad that he is upset. I hate how upset he is- I feel sad to see him this upset. He is really worried about me. And most of all- I am in so much trouble. I know that as soon as he is done being so upset my butt is going to pay the price.
It already hurts from the belt and strop spanking yesterday and the day before. And I know that is nothing compared to what’s coming. I better toughen up, because I know I am in for it. Waiting for it ……..
Well I have a red butt and tears in my eyes because I just can’t do it. I just can’t behave.
I thought I was going to outsmart my master, my doctors, and everyone. I decided to half my medicine amd see if I could handle it. I just want to be done with it and I thought I could do it. Well I was wrong and I had to confess because it didn’t work and had a bad result. So now I am back on the full dose and in some pretty bad trouble for it.
He is not pleased with my actions- I made a poor choice. Bad girl! What can I say. I am who I am.
So I was told to blog. We have been doing really good and things going super good. Trying to be good lately and totally achieving greatness..lol. I am a perfect total well behaved submissive that follows rules and our relationship is perfect. Work is going perfect- kids are doing great. Such well adjusted perfect little angels they are. I am good mom- and make great decisions as a mom. Family is so functional – we really are all so normal and get along.
Wouldn’t that be nice if that was actually true. Well it’s not. I am not the perfect sub- I don’t follow the rules- I make mistakes all the time. My relationship is not perfect. I am in love and feel so lucky to have my best friend as my master and my lover and my partner- but it’s not perfect. I am ok with that. I am not well behaved. I will never be well behaved. I am lucky if a day goes by that I don’t totally screw something up. I am just that girl. I laugh- I mess things up- I have always tried to love a lot and laugh a lot – help people along the way. I don’t think things through- I build up walls- I have faults – I have flaws- but I also have a huge heart. I am me! I try to be a good mom- but I mess that up too sometimes.
My family is dysfunctional- we fight. We are petty and do stupid shit to each other that regret later and sometimes it’s too late – sometimes it’s not. Through it all though – I am me. And right now – I am someone that just feels like blah blah blah. I try to be that perfect person in the first paragraph- but I am not. I am blah blah blah. I am me. I am chaos – I am bad- I am effort but for not, as I am me at my core.
Well he has been telling me that I have to drink lots of water because of this medicine I am taking. Hydration is really important to me getting better. I do know this, but when I get in my zone at work I just get too busy to care.
So today he kept texting me and texting me to go get a glass of water. I kept ignoring it because I was on call after call- meeting after meeting. Water was the last thing I really cared about. So he texted me : 25! And said that he need to see a picture of my water or it would keep growing. My plan : pretend you don’t see the text and get out of the entire thing. So he calls. I hit ignore. I am in a call- it’s true. So another text rolls around – it’s higher. If I don’t send a picture in some designated timeframe it goes to 175. Well I am super busy. So I do go get my water filled. Thank goodness.
I go back to my desk and wow- meetings, calls, everything! Then I see him walk into my office. Crap! I didn’t hit send on the picture. He sees my water cup full and the camera open on my app so he accepts it. But I know I am in trouble for no communication and making him come there to make sure I am ok. So tonight when I get home- late from work I got 75.
It could be worse. Lol.
So I have been out of town all week, today is my first day back in town and I was told that I need a reminder that we are focusing on the rules. So this reminder comes in the form of a spanking with the strop and the stupid red stick and typing them and sending them to him.
He said that I forget I am owned and think I own myself at times. He said I was going to not leave the room until my bottom was bruised, luckily he came to his senses and he didn’t follow through on that one. I think he was just trying to scare me on that one. Good thing too- because it worked.
Going to get Chinese food sitting on a sore ass. Yep, I said it. He just reviewed each rule with me over his knee so I “knew”the rules.
Here is what I happened. Lately we have had a rough patch in life. During this time, we have kinda taken a break from me getting spanked. Well lately he said we were going back to it. He has been telling me lately to follow his rules but I haven’t really been doing it. Earlier today I told him I didn’t think we were really starting that yet. So after I spent longer then he said I could shopping and twice as much money, he decided to review the rules with me with my shorts down and me over his knee. He took out the razor strop and the hard plastic red stick. I think it’s lexan.
So now we are driving to get Chinese food- and I am in what he calls full control for the night. That means I can’t leave his side without permission – not even to go to the bathroom. Dang! Guess he isn’t playing around. Someone got his dom muscles flexed tonight tee hee.
So we have had a very rocky week and he wants me to blog. It seems like every time I get in trouble or we have a rocky time- that is when he wants me to blog. This is frustrating because I hate to only tell or show the negative things or feelings.
There are so many positive things in our life and our relationship, I just only am instructed to write about the feelings of the tough times or the feelings when I am in trouble. Or the details of a punishment. I know he wants to probably read about where my head is at with it. But if this is my video diary so to speak it’s tough for me to show the world Just the bad side.
So now back to this assignment; It was a bad week. A confusing week. Still trying to figure out who and what we are. Who and what I am.
I just realized that I think I created people in my past to turn into the people they turned into. Yikes. It wasn’t them- it was really me!
The people in my life that I saw in a really good light- I thought I just eventually saw them differently. Now I am beginning to believe that I turned them that way.
Deep thinking today!
Haven’t been on for sooooooo long! Well….the brat is back.
You can hold your applause.. or not. Lol.
So much has happened. Bad stuff that is super sad. Too sad to tell you right now.
The good thing is that me and my love are still as sting as ever. He is still my soul mate and every day I wake up next to him I still thank god that I get to wake up next to him. He makes me so happy and I love every second I get to be his.
Yay! Down 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Super excited. Focusing on the positive and trying to stay focused on my goals.
Looking ahead- I am not going to run away from my problems. Not going to build walls. I am going to actually deal with them. I have someone worth it now.