The other side

Tonight I got spanked with some small rubber paddle. It was really a stinger and an ouchie and it looks like I have 27 days more to go of these daily spankings. Yikes. 

A recent comment to my last post made me think, and realize that I share with you all of what I did wrong usually, my thoughts, and the punishment. What you don’t hear about is the huge amount of love and care I get. He explains how much he loves me and why he punishes me. He rubs my back and holds me, he comforts me and dries my tears when I have them, he laughs and enjoys life with me. After spankings he holds me and loves me with an unconditional and close love like none other. 

We live this lifestyle and I agreed to be his, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. There are many times I am regretful for my action, and other times I am regretful because I got punished, and many times a combination of both. 

I struggle with being good many days, because it’s hard for me to not do what I went when I want to. Giving control is freeing and scary at the same time.  I hate that when I make my own decisions they are so bad. I know they are self destructive but I can’t see or stop while I am on a roll. I hate this about me so much. I hate that I am so broken and messed up that I can’t stop myself from making choices that end up hurting me or others. When vanilla, I turn into somebody I don’t really like. I know I am better person when I am not vanilla, and I like the fun and happy person I become so much better. 

I love who I have as my master and I should post more about all of the good things he does to make me feel loved and protected every day. I know I am so lucky to be owned by him. I just sometimes might not feel so lucky when I just got a spanking or am about to get one. 

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7 thoughts on “The other side

  1. Hey, I’m sorry if mine was the comment which you were referring to here as I didn’t mean to come across as you have a hard master who only seems to punish. I didn’t include aftercare or loving on you because for me and in my life, all the love from a master is implied and a given. Hope I didn’t offend or seem uncaring about him and his other attentions towards you.

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  2. I’m not sure if writing it out this way made you feel any happier but you certainly sound happier! I know my writing follows me throughout my day and influences my mood.
    I hope my comment didn’t leave you thinking that I thought your Master wasn’t doing his job I was just suggesting you might feel better in general by putting down both sides.

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      1. I think so sometimes it’s hard to see both sides. Especially in the moment. Sometimes we have let the reader assume both sides. Again, especially for people familiar with our blogs and all of our writings. Letting people assume isn’t always a negative thing.

        Only my thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

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