Ups and downs

Today had its ups and really low downs. 

Losing someone from your life hurts really bad. Watching your children in pain from the loss hurts even worse. 

My master was supportive, but also strange in his responses. He was loving and supportive and I love that about hIm and appreciate it. However when I went to baby my oldest son and be supportive of him, master got really agitated and said that I basically need to stop babying him. I really think sometimes that he doesn’t really like my oldest son much. I think he loves him, but doesn’t really like him. My oldest son has and always be a huge part of me, and at the age of 22 I realize that he needs to grow up in many ways. But during a time of loss and heart ache is not the time to start any form of tough love. And honestly I don’t care if it takes a few more years for him to grow up. The years or months or days I still have where he needs me, is a gift and something I treasure.

I get so defensive and upset when I feel I have to defend my children. It really bothers me that he truly does not agree with or like the mother that I am. I can’t change the mom I am, as that is who I am. I lived so many years being criticized for the mom I am by their dad, and now it really sucks coming from my master- the only man I have ever been this deeply in love with my entire life. I know he is in love with me too. But what do I do? I am not and cannot change the mom I am. My kids are my hard limit. Yet that is really the only thing we fight about.  
Besides this major issue, we really have the perfect relationship. However, this issue is super major. Any advice would be welcomed. (Please don’t be mean in your advice). 

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