So we have been having such a great time lately and things have been relaxed like I like it. He has let up and life has been good, then today he says that he hasn’t… More
I will start this blog by introducing the relationship that me and my R have together. I don’t know what category our relationship falls under; bdsm, domestic disciple, taken in hand, or 24/7 total power exchange. It is a mix of a little bit of all of them.
How our relationship works is I have a set of rules and if I don’t follow them he has the power to punish me however he sees fit. I have a list of hard limits that he can’t cross and he has one hard limit I can’t cross. As long as he doesn’t break my hard limits he has 100% full control of my life and my consequences.
He is strict but he spoils me all the time too. He makes me feel loved and treasures and safe. I am sure many people would wonder how I could give another person that much control and feel safe. Let me explain ; by having set rules and limits I know he will never cross those. So I will never be truly hurt. He keeps me safe from myself and my own self destructive and irresponsible behavior.
Now, I am sure most would say that I am an adult and should be able to do that for myself. But here is the crazy thing; I wish I could. I wish I didn’t make stupid decisions and I thought things through more. But I don’t. And I need that structure and disciple. He needs to have that control. We are both very smart professionals with children.
Our children don’t know, and we are very private about our lifestyle. I am sure they see that he is the head of the relationship.
it works for us and I love him and he loves me like crazy. We are so close and so in tune with each other and our needs. We are respectful and loving to each other. He leads by example.
Now, I am definitely a challenge as I have a big personality and I am always getting into some kind of trouble. I can’t wait to share those stories with you at a later time.
Well..tonight ended my no spanking streak. When he asks how I am feeling he wants a specific answer, and I answer with good or ok or bad. He wants a rating scale. So today he asked and I said ok ( habit) so he assigned 30 seconds. Then it happened again later in the day. So I had a total of a minute. I mean wow, if that is the worst I do then I see why I have had such a long run with no spankings. I am soooooo good 🙂
Well when it came time to pay up, he kept starting over for me moving or talking. I asked why he was being strict today, he said because he doesn’t want me to think we aren’t doing this. I said that spankings aren’t what makes me think we are or aren’t doing this. He said that if I don’t get spankings I don’t think we are doing this. NOT TRUE! So anyways, we obviously don’t agree. Still! He then said that this brings us closer and helps us both. Which I do agree with. Our relationship is amazing and I love it. We are close and great together- we just don’t see eye to eye on this
So the minute turned really long and my butt is red and now we are cuddled up and ready for bed.
Life has been pretty normal this week. Good news is I haven’t gotten in any trouble. Yay!
Bad news is that I started a new job 2 weeks ago and I am already quitting on Monday. I took a different one that I am super excited about but will be disappointing people that invested in me on the other one. I just don’t like it and don’t enjoy it. So Monday will be tough.
Any suggestions on how to gracefully quit, lol?
I really don’t have much to say, I am posting because I have to. I got in trouble and spanked and was told to blog about it.
We had a long conversation afterwards.
I wonder how many more times you will hear from me today. Lol
We are at a strange place right now. We are both very stubborn and want what we want. We love each other like crazy and I am not sure how this will end. I do know this, I get to spend an entire day with him today. We are both off of work, and I am excited about that.
I am going to enjoy the day and just get out of my head. I have a house that needs cleaning and about 100 other things to get done and I get to do it with him today. So, I am going to just enjoy my day today and realize that this stalemate is just that. We both know where we stand and can figure it later.
Big week. I quit my job that I worked at for 12 years and started a new one working remotely. So I am working out of his office.
I am not feeling good about this move this week. First week on the job and I feel a big lack of confidence. I hope I didn’t make a mistake.
Then I am just sad. And now I have decided that I think I should take back control of myself some. I think that I can handle it. I discussed this with him last night and he spanked me for it. Which I don’t think is fair because I still feel that way and spanking me isn’t going to change it. It’s not the answer. We did also talk and he said that we are always so much closer when he has good control on me.
But we are so up and down and one minute he is strict the next minute things are ok the weren’t ok two days ago. He says no the rules are always the same, I am the one that just follows them differently. Well here is what I think: I love him like crazy. I love that he owns and protects me. We can have this relationship but just let me have more control of me. This will solve the up and down so I know what to expect and can feel safe in some kind of structure to count on. He can not stress about what I am doing because it is a tamer version and things will be good. Also, I am strong enough now that I feel confident in making good decisions about me.
I offered this solution and got spanked. I was going to be spanked for a really long time until luckily he got horny enough where fun playtime stopped the spanking.
So today I need to figure out a better way to present this I guess. Because I want what I want and I right now with this attitude I am just going to get in trouble a lot and it’s not going to change how I feel.
So today started off rocky. I got into an argument with him. We never argue because that is just not something we really do. But he has had a medical problem and been taking medicine. He tried to stop the medication today and I think the medical condition is still a problem and he might have a problem with the medication because he was really cranky and today was a really tough day for reasons I don’t want to share.
Anyways, we got into an argument and it sucked. Now we are fine and made up but a new chapter starts tomorrow- we share an office.
Let’s see how this goes.
Been off of work all week due to the death in my family. Tomorrow I return to work. Kinda nervous about returning back to reality.
It’s necessary, but difficult. I am going to pull up my bratty big girl panties and do this shit. Look out week- here I come!
So We have had a rough start to the new year. We lost my nephew who was only 18. Really struggling to deal. My sister is a mess. My whole family is a mess.
Just feel like it’s all a terrible nightmare.
So in my last post I told you all I was awaiting the verdict. I received the verdict but the good news is because I was so good today, I don’t have to start paying it until tomorrow.
The verdict: it’s pretty bad! I am grounded for 2 weeks. I am getting 5 big troubles! I have to write a letter of apology and I am full control until further notice. I will be posting daily most likely. So get used to me 🙂
Super fun date night.
I was a good girl today, so I am not in any trouble tonight. We had a date night tonight and went to dinner. Laughed a lot and just enjoyed each other’s company.
He had a bad day at work so it was nice just to get to unwind and for us to have fun. I am awaiting the verdict for what is being assigned to me for a major punishment I have coming my way. I am pretty nervous because lately he has been so strict. See what prompted all of this is because I decided to cut my medication dosage in half. Every day when he would give me my medication I would hide half the dosage and pretend I took it. He understands why I did it, but he is very upset that I made the decision. See, one of my rules is that all health decisions are his to make. I don’t make the best choices when it comes to my health. But this one I really think was a good one, and I knew that the risks were great and he would not do it if I didn’t take it upon myself to do it.
So, now we are here. He is not making me increase my dose, we will see how this does. I have not had any seizures because of it. Yay!!! But, I am in so much trouble and he is doing this full control thing now. So, he will tell me the big bad verdict soon of what big price I have to pay. I really just want to get it over with and move on. I f*cked up, let’s just get this over with and move on.
Tonight was fun, I love him so much, would like to hear the news and get it over with and get past it.