I am in so much trouble for this medicine thing. I am waiting to find out just how much. He is really upset, and I feel bad that he is upset. I hate how upset… More
I will start this blog by introducing the relationship that me and my R have together. I don’t know what category our relationship falls under; bdsm, domestic disciple, taken in hand, or 24/7 total power exchange. It is a mix of a little bit of all of them.
How our relationship works is I have a set of rules and if I don’t follow them he has the power to punish me however he sees fit. I have a list of hard limits that he can’t cross and he has one hard limit I can’t cross. As long as he doesn’t break my hard limits he has 100% full control of my life and my consequences.
He is strict but he spoils me all the time too. He makes me feel loved and treasures and safe. I am sure many people would wonder how I could give another person that much control and feel safe. Let me explain ; by having set rules and limits I know he will never cross those. So I will never be truly hurt. He keeps me safe from myself and my own self destructive and irresponsible behavior.
Now, I am sure most would say that I am an adult and should be able to do that for myself. But here is the crazy thing; I wish I could. I wish I didn’t make stupid decisions and I thought things through more. But I don’t. And I need that structure and disciple. He needs to have that control. We are both very smart professionals with children.
Our children don’t know, and we are very private about our lifestyle. I am sure they see that he is the head of the relationship.
it works for us and I love him and he loves me like crazy. We are so close and so in tune with each other and our needs. We are respectful and loving to each other. He leads by example.
Now, I am definitely a challenge as I have a big personality and I am always getting into some kind of trouble. I can’t wait to share those stories with you at a later time.
Well he has been telling me that I have to drink lots of water because of this medicine I am taking. Hydration is really important to me getting better. I do know this, but when I get in my zone at work I just get too busy to care.
So today he kept texting me and texting me to go get a glass of water. I kept ignoring it because I was on call after call- meeting after meeting. Water was the last thing I really cared about. So he texted me : 25! And said that he need to see a picture of my water or it would keep growing. My plan : pretend you don’t see the text and get out of the entire thing. So he calls. I hit ignore. I am in a call- it’s true. So another text rolls around – it’s higher. If I don’t send a picture in some designated timeframe it goes to 175. Well I am super busy. So I do go get my water filled. Thank goodness.
I go back to my desk and wow- meetings, calls, everything! Then I see him walk into my office. Crap! I didn’t hit send on the picture. He sees my water cup full and the camera open on my app so he accepts it. But I know I am in trouble for no communication and making him come there to make sure I am ok. So tonight when I get home- late from work I got 75.
It could be worse. Lol.
So I have been out of town all week, today is my first day back in town and I was told that I need a reminder that we are focusing on the rules. So this reminder comes in the form of a spanking with the strop and the stupid red stick and typing them and sending them to him.
He said that I forget I am owned and think I own myself at times. He said I was going to not leave the room until my bottom was bruised, luckily he came to his senses and he didn’t follow through on that one. I think he was just trying to scare me on that one. Good thing too- because it worked.
Going to get Chinese food sitting on a sore ass. Yep, I said it. He just reviewed each rule with me over his knee so I “knew”the rules.
Here is what I happened. Lately we have had a rough patch in life. During this time, we have kinda taken a break from me getting spanked. Well lately he said we were going back to it. He has been telling me lately to follow his rules but I haven’t really been doing it. Earlier today I told him I didn’t think we were really starting that yet. So after I spent longer then he said I could shopping and twice as much money, he decided to review the rules with me with my shorts down and me over his knee. He took out the razor strop and the hard plastic red stick. I think it’s lexan.
So now we are driving to get Chinese food- and I am in what he calls full control for the night. That means I can’t leave his side without permission – not even to go to the bathroom. Dang! Guess he isn’t playing around. Someone got his dom muscles flexed tonight tee hee.
So we have had a very rocky week and he wants me to blog. It seems like every time I get in trouble or we have a rocky time- that is when he wants me to blog. This is frustrating because I hate to only tell or show the negative things or feelings.
There are so many positive things in our life and our relationship, I just only am instructed to write about the feelings of the tough times or the feelings when I am in trouble. Or the details of a punishment. I know he wants to probably read about where my head is at with it. But if this is my video diary so to speak it’s tough for me to show the world Just the bad side.
So now back to this assignment; It was a bad week. A confusing week. Still trying to figure out who and what we are. Who and what I am.
I just realized that I think I created people in my past to turn into the people they turned into. Yikes. It wasn’t them- it was really me!
The people in my life that I saw in a really good light- I thought I just eventually saw them differently. Now I am beginning to believe that I turned them that way.
Deep thinking today!
Haven’t been on for sooooooo long! Well….the brat is back.
You can hold your applause.. or not. Lol.
So much has happened. Bad stuff that is super sad. Too sad to tell you right now.
The good thing is that me and my love are still as sting as ever. He is still my soul mate and every day I wake up next to him I still thank god that I get to wake up next to him. He makes me so happy and I love every second I get to be his.
Yay! Down 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Super excited. Focusing on the positive and trying to stay focused on my goals.
Looking ahead- I am not going to run away from my problems. Not going to build walls. I am going to actually deal with them. I have someone worth it now.
Well….. I am back! Don’t know for how long. But for tonight I am. Still been dealing with some health stuff. I have been getting in trouble a little here and there but we have pretty much not been practicing because of my health. Well I guess he has had enough of that. Because tonight he had me over his knee with the belt and the red stick. Luckily I am out of practice and still not feeling great, so I couldn’t take that much.
I don’t know why all of the sudden he feels it’s ok to punish me, when he hasn’t this whole time I have been sick. I don’t know why or what got into him. But he said he is not going to let his property do what she wants. I understand him feeling that way, but really I have been as good as a girl like me can be. I am really as close to good girl perfection as I can be. I guess he doesn’t agree.
Until next time …. bye!
I haven’t posted in awhile. Life has been pretty crazy these last few weeks- its all kind of a blur.
We haven’t really been practicing our lifestyle much, been too busy and my health has been really bad. I have a spine problem that requires surgery, then ended up getting blood clots in my leg, and now I am off and on sick all the time.
On top of that, I am working trying not to mess up my job too bad while dealing with this. Then he started his own business full time. He has been working 10-14 hours a day. Add kids on top of that and the final cherry- my sister was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live- so she decided to move to a state where pot is legal.
So, as you can see: really bad month.
He told me to blog with what has happened in the last two weeks ; that’s all I can really think of.
I have been so cranky lately. I think it is all these health problems. Not being able to walk well and just overall in pain. I don’t like the person I am right now.
Well I guess tonight he finally had enough too. Because I got spanked with the belt. I did end up not being able to take too much. I haven’t been spanked in awhile so I am probably more sensitive then normal.